What is Life?

What is life?

I don't know how to classify.

Work, home, work again

or Home, work and home again.

The pandemic has made me think

The purpose of all this

There is no guarantee to anything

So is not it better living as if, there is no tomorrow!

Don't hold any grudges

Help anyone you can

Share what you have

and pray for a peaceful, better tomorrow

Fire-Flies.... (This is from my friend TS. I like this and hope those who read this too..)

It was when I was in my 17th year, that I first had a glimpse of my private hell. A place to which I was pushed again and again through my later years. There was nothing there but darkness. I could not see then, that I was already marked, stigmatised for life.

              So one day I was lying on my bed in the pitch black of the night, petrified about the future, my life. I knew I would be alone to battle out with what ever darkness that would engulf me.

              It was then I noticed a tiny speck of light that was circling about the room. It was a Fire-fly. Again and again it flew around me and then settled on the floor. I slid out on to the floor and gently crawled to where it was lying. My face was just a few inches away from it. I felt my heart beating in resonance with its glow.

            I said, " Dear friend, I don't know who sent you here to me. I don't know who I am, where I came from or where I am going. I dread the life that lies stretched  before me. But let me place my weary head for a few moments besides you "

            25 years have gone past after that incident. 25 eventful years, when again and again I was pushed beyond the realms of conciousness. I came to know love and the pain it leaves when it is taken away. God punished me severely, but He never gave me over to death. People approached me in my most vulnerable state, but no one laid a finger on me. They were good people, who came, saw and left when they realized they could not help me.

            Ultimately the real one also came. As he held me close there was no need for words as our hearts beat like one.

          The child of the night that I am, I still struggle  to sleep at night. And I don't know when I began to notice it, but most nights these days I see a Fire-fly circling about the room. Sometimes it even sits on my bed. And I say to it, " I still don't know who I am, where I came from or where I am going.  But now I don't want to know the answers. There is love, peace and hope in my life. I cannot cut off the past, but I have made my peace with it."

           May be I will die tomorrow, or maybe I will live another 25 years more. Then I wish to re-born as a Fire-fly. Somewhere in this world there will be a soul who has reached the end of his tether. He may feel he cannot go on like this anymore. He may be thinking of ending it all. It will be as dark inside him as outside.

         Then I will fly to that person. I will circle around his head and settle on his heart. I will kiss his lips and whisper in his ears, " I will be dead and gone in the morning. But you please hold on for a few hours more. The sun is sure to rise and shine his golden rays on you. However cold it may seem now, there will always be a spring after winter "

         Then I will be gone and there will be nothing to show that I ever existed. But there would be thousands of Fire-flies out there forever, as long as the suffering human souls need them.    

Rain kisses

When the first drop fell on my face

It took a couple of decades from me

I closed my eyes and smiled to myself

Not caring that my designer suite is drenched

The first rain which caught us together

Amid the deserted paddy field

We ran with all might to beat the rain

Alas! The rain caught up with us!

First on the hand which covered our head

Then it fell on our shoulders and back

We stopped running and I turned to her

She stood there looking at my eyes

I closed my eyes still seeing her clearly

Lifted my face towards the sky

Each drop on my face was a soft kiss

Kisses which made me calm and hot

Cannot remember how long we stood there

Her soft touch brought me back to reality

I saw the most beautiful smile on her

I bent my head and kissed her forehead

The fury of rain drops had subdued to drizzling

We slowly walked back hand in hand

That first rain made me see my soul mate

I wowed, I will keep her always near me

In the mad race to conquer heights

We took different roads and drifted apart

Unexpected rains which catch up with me

Always reminds me of that first kiss.

Wish I know where she is now,

Hope and pray that she is happy always;

Each rain drop makes me wonder

Would the rain bring to her my love too?

Love

You cannot measure love the way you can the length of a rod or the height of a building

- Paulo Coelho, The witch of Portbello

No way out

No way out, no way out

From this dark dark circling mess

The more I struggle, wriggle

The more I get tangled in this net

There is not a ray of hope

There is not a way out

I just cannot go on hurting

I better put a stop to all this

When I try to cut loose

The knife goes to my flesh

My life oozes out

The net remains intact

I realized with a start

I still cannot hurt the net

This net is too dear

I loved at the cost of my life..

Can an error correct another error...?

That is what I am trying to do ...

Mirror

I gave him a Mirror

Clean, bright, shining

I could see my face and bright eyes

My smile reflecting on its surface

He splashed black all over it

Greased it with bright blood

Smeared ash of innocence over that

Then slashed bright orange and green dreams

The spectators oohed and awed

What a marvelous piece of art?

We have not seen anything so spectacular

For how much we could have this please?

His triumphant smile told me

 “See, a piece of glass minting money”

My heart screamed silently at him

“But I could no longer see me on it…”

GR, your wife sure was a most fortunate lady ...


With you for ever , I am here
Why shed tear , tell me dear.
From up above , I 'll take care
No more 've thee any fear
From the path we preferred , never ye waver
Unto ye nothing 'll be a scare.
Said ye yes to what said my heart
When a path together we sought.
To serve and love each other
Always our ardent desire.
What you say , I listen
Fear ye 'll have none
For thou art mine
For ever , for ever mine.

Do you remember ?

Do you remember what I used to call you?

Do you remember what I used to tell you?

Do you remember how I used to look at you?

Do you remember how I used to smile at you?

I still remember what you used to call me

Your words still echoes in my heart

I still remember the way you used to look at me

And when I close my eyes your smile mirrors in my mind

When world sleeps around me, I stay wide awake

In the middle of night, your memories

Brings only tears to my eyes and

A lingering ache to my torn heart..

They say “time is the best healer”

But why time cannot heal my wound

Each passing second makes it stronger and deeper

Sinking my conscious to eternal sleep…

They say I walk always in a trance

I don’t see even with my eyes open

Nor do I hear when they shout at me

Do you feel my pain, my slow disintegration?

I search for your face among strangers

I search for your name on all printed letters

I try to see you in people around me

Even trying foolishly to substitute others in your place

I am admitting defeat

Cannot go on anymore

I search for you day and night

Fully aware that you are watching my plight ..

LOVERS GIFT -  Verse No 32

         By Tagore

                          Many a time when the spring day knocked at our door , I kept busy with my work and you did not answer . Now when I am left alone and heart-sick  the spring day comes again ,  but I know not how to turn him away from the door . When he came to crown us with joy the gate was shut but now he comes with his gift of sorrow , his  path must be open

         Now GR takes over ( Tagore sits by my side and pats on my back  )

                           Here I am , left alone , all alone

                           Heart sick , sad and sullen

                           Rushes in through our door

                           The spring , in all its glory and splendor

                           What use of spring unto me now

                           As by me sits not my love.

                           To turn him away from hither

                           I know not how , my dear.

                           Again and again in the days past

                           To make us happy , the spring did visit

                           Immersed in work , I cared him never

                           Nor did you answer

                           To dip us in honey , in joys many

                           And to make our days sunny

                           Many a times did he come

                           Unto him extended we not a welcome

                           Now let his path be wide open

                                         As comes he with a gift of sorrow and pain

Verse # 30 Lovers Gift - Tagore

The below is from Verse 30, Lovers gift by Tagore. It seems Tagore wrote this when he was bereaving the death of his beloved...

         Translation by Tagore

                            "'  The spring of flowers breakout like the passionate pain of unspkoen love. With their breath comes the memory of my old day songs. My heart , of a sudden , has put on green leaves of desire .My love came not but her touch is in my limbs , and her voice comes across the fragrant fields . Her gaze is in the sad depth of the sky , but where are her eyes ? Her kisses flit in the air , but where are her lips ?  ""

          Now GR's translation of the above

                                   My songs old and sweet

                                   That into her ears once I did tweet

                                    At such a time of the year

                                    When faded away traces of winter

                                    And descended on earth the Eden - a bit

                                    It was spring , the lover's delight.

                                    The voice of Nature  loud and clear

                                    I love to hear

                                    As the spring is here , in all its splendor

                                    The songs of birds fill the air

                                    The sun slips through the mist

                                    To seek and be in her midst.

                                     To kiss and sweeten her feet

                                      Fragrant flowers breakout

                                      Kindle they in my heart a pain

                                      The words of love not spoken

                                      Though it was my heart's desire

                                       Where now burns a fire.

                                      Grass and leaves , green and fresh

                                      In my heart , thoughts of days old spring afresh

                                      From across the fragrant fields

                                      Floats unto me her voice in floods

                                      Her touch on my limbs still warm

                                      Though to me ' ll she never come.

                                       The infinite sky sad and sullen

                                       In its depth her gaze seen

                                       But where hath gone her sparkling eyes?

                                       In the air flit her kisses

                                       But where hath gone her cherry lips ? ""