It was when I was in my 17th year, that I first had a glimpse of my private hell. A place to which I was pushed again and again through my later years. There was nothing there but darkness. I could not see then, that I was already marked, stigmatised for life.
So one day I was lying on my bed in the pitch black of the night, petrified about the future, my life. I knew I would be alone to battle out with what ever darkness that would engulf me.
It was then I noticed a tiny speck of light that was circling about the room. It was a Fire-fly. Again and again it flew around me and then settled on the floor. I slid out on to the floor and gently crawled to where it was lying. My face was just a few inches away from it. I felt my heart beating in resonance with its glow.
I said, " Dear friend, I don't know who sent you here to me. I don't know who I am, where I came from or where I am going. I dread the life that lies stretched before me. But let me place my weary head for a few moments besides you "
25 years have gone past after that incident. 25 eventful years, when again and again I was pushed beyond the realms of conciousness. I came to know love and the pain it leaves when it is taken away. God punished me severely, but He never gave me over to death. People approached me in my most vulnerable state, but no one laid a finger on me. They were good people, who came, saw and left when they realized they could not help me.
Ultimately the real one also came. As he held me close there was no need for words as our hearts beat like one.
The child of the night that I am, I still struggle to sleep at night. And I don't know when I began to notice it, but most nights these days I see a Fire-fly circling about the room. Sometimes it even sits on my bed. And I say to it, " I still don't know who I am, where I came from or where I am going. But now I don't want to know the answers. There is love, peace and hope in my life. I cannot cut off the past, but I have made my peace with it."
May be I will die tomorrow, or maybe I will live another 25 years more. Then I wish to re-born as a Fire-fly. Somewhere in this world there will be a soul who has reached the end of his tether. He may feel he cannot go on like this anymore. He may be thinking of ending it all. It will be as dark inside him as outside.
Then I will fly to that person. I will circle around his head and settle on his heart. I will kiss his lips and whisper in his ears, " I will be dead and gone in the morning. But you please hold on for a few hours more. The sun is sure to rise and shine his golden rays on you. However cold it may seem now, there will always be a spring after winter "
Then I will be gone and there will be nothing to show that I ever existed. But there would be thousands of Fire-flies out there forever, as long as the suffering human souls need them.